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Okay, he love/hates it. He told me last week he'd be fine if we took it back to the dealership.

What's the problem, you ask? Well this is his first manual transmission car. It's a 2017 718 Boxster S (red) and he hates driving it. It's our weekend car, or our it's sunny and we're going out to lunch on a Tuesday car and he can't get the hang of driving it. I've been driving a manual on and off for 26 years.

He finally mastered starting in first without stalling, but he can't do everything required all at once without getting stressed. If he has to downshift, or stop at a traffic light, or if a car nearby does something unexpected, he panics.

I've been super kind about it, not even a little shrill. Honestly. We've had the car since October and his dad was here for a week in December and took him out every day and I thought he was ready.

Part of the problem is that he's unaccustomed to paying attention while driving because his daily driver is a highly visible SUV with auto transmission and he's a millenial, so if his phone goes off, he gets antsy and checks it.

We're not taking the effing thing back and we're going to have it forever, so what do I do?
 

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1. Let him know that learning any new skill requires that you suck at it in the beginning.
2. Encourage him to drive by himself and when it's not busy so the pressure during learning is reduced.
3. Put the phone in the boot. No matter what car he's driving, checking a 'phone can be fatal. Have him watch some YTube videos to see what happens. SUVs roll over and over and over really easily. He might miss a message or a call but that's way better than missing the rest of his life.
4. Take him back to the dealer and get a refund. 😁
 

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Wait until he gets the bill to replace the clutch. Then he’ll REALLY hate the car.

Solution : 2 sports car family.

Shouldn’t take more than a week to reasonably drive a manual. Don’t let him drive your car. He needs to get his own car or stick with the weekday mobil.

Alternative is to get a PDK but that might be too big a sacrifice for you. Nah..better just to have him get his own car and second job.
 

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You said he is "unaccustomed to paying attention while driving" which leads to the question of why would a Porsche have been a good car choice in the first place. I think most Porsche owners buy them because they want to pay attention to driving. Seems a candidate for a self driving car when they get those far enough along.

As a general stereotype, guys hate doing things we aren't good at. It's just frustrating. So I get where he seems to be from your description. His practical choices are basically 1) get better at it; or 2) quit. I think 1) is a better option in the long run, but not my choice to make.

As others have noted, driving with distraction can be fatal, to yourselves and others. If his phone still pairs with the car or with CarPlay in the boot/frunk/trunk it will still be a potential distraction there. Even with CarPlay or handsfree calls, some situations aren't appropriate for answering a call or a text.

If the issues are deeper, this forum is probably not the place to get marriage counseling. :)

In the meantime, enjoy driving.
 

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Being 29 myself, and having immigrated to the states in 2015, with little to no training and having a family to take care of that including my mom, I would say that challenges are way to grow, especially ones where we are novices. If you're on the religious end of the spectrum, then you can perceive challenges as they only come when God wants to give you what you want, so He prepares you for what you need to be prepared for since that is what you're asking Him for.

Driving any car is a luxury, let alone a blessing in the rest of the world, and driving a Porsche, especially a comparatively newer one, would be considered a blessing of biblical proportions where I'm from as only the elite of the elite can afford a Mercedes, so a Porsche is like the only one in the state if not half the country.

If you've worked hard and God has blessed you with the opportunity to buy a Porsche, and it is something you truly want, your husband should understand and support you as that is the best thing a spouse can do if it's great for both of you, but if they put you down for it and are adamant about returning it, then you have to decide whether this will be the only time or every time and how you want to go about it. I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to buy a lot of things, unless they are beneficial, but I do discuss them with my wife, and she is of a similar age. We then discussed the pros and cons and then decide whether we want it, and then try to get it. If I want some thing that she doesn't like, an example would be the Klipsch 12 inch subwoofer from Costco on sale now, then I try to make a conscious effort to help her see the bright side and to help her enjoy it, and she makes an effort to like it. If she doesn't like it, then we compromise, but we still work together on this, but we wouldn't force each other to return something one of us really wants, like Diamonds for her, whereas I'm more of a Gold person.

It does take time to learn, and teamwork to succeed, but dedication is key, so that relates more to mindsets. If they do not like the car for other reasons, as @Naptown mentioned, that might be a deeper issue. Everyone deservers great things, but not every works hard for them. If you've done it and gotten it, you deserve it. Good luck with everything though!
 

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Don't return it. This is now "your car". Enjoy it - they are amazing cars.

He can get himself a cheap SUV crapbox and enjoy texting and driving from his high seat position.
 

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Here's a "manly" suggestion for you. Tell him to think, everytime he gets into the Porsche, that he is getting into a potent race car that deserves his complete and total attention. Don't talk, don't play the radio, don't do anything but concentrate on driving. The Porsche is a fast and very responsive race car and if he gets distracted or takes his eye off the ball, it is very dangerous. You don't smoke when you handle dynamite with fuses. You don't write letters home when you are in a fighter jet and an enemy is on your tail. You don't spit into the wind, and you don't fool around with Jim. You drive!
 
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Some people are just not meant to drive manual cars. They like to sit high, and have everything done for them. You stated why he does not like the car. I could give my wife a brand new manual GT3 and she would never take it off the driveway, because she doesn't care to do the work herself. Hes not going to change unfortunately. He has been driving it for 6 months now. If he still finds it annoying, then it is what it is. He is like 99.9 % of the population. Manual drivers are not the norm.
:):)
 

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You know, thinking about this again, I'm not even sure what the issue is. He can be a passenger in a really cool drop top Porsche Boxster S and play with his phone while you get to have fun rowing thru the gears. Should be a win win for all concerned.
 

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Funny topic.

Simple : Choose the husband or the car.

That leads to a question : how did you guys buy this car in first place ? Did he test drive it before ?
 

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As I read this my computer says the original note was posted 15 hours ago. In Greenwich Mean Time this would qualify as April 1.

You need either another husband or another car for him. End of story! ;)
 

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It is your car. He doesn’t need to drive it. Sounds like he shouldn’t be driving anything anyway if he cannot keep his attention off the phone.

If you’re going to keep him, he just needs to get over the fact that he’s not a “car guy” and move on.
 

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I can sympathize somewhat. My wife hates "my" car - a frivolous use of money and not a comfortable ride as far as she is concerned. We've come to terms. I drive it for fun when I want to and she does other things. When it's date time or taking trips we use another vehicle. Best not to force the issue and get on with enjoying "your" car. Good luck.
 

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I had the exact same issue with my wife. She got to the point where she could drive around our practice parking lot and on residential roads with nobody around, but as soon as she saw another car at an intersection she'd panic, kill the engine, and forget everything she learned. She also was so intimidated I couldn't get her to drive regularly and she'd forget everything she learned by the time she got back in the car. I think regular practice is the key until it becomes comfortable...my mistake was not getting my wife to drive the car consistently. I think we should have spent more time (like hours) practicing in the empty parking lot. Although the ultimate solution in our case was to get rid of the car after three months and get an automatic.
 

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We're not taking the effing thing back and we're going to have it forever, so what do I do?
[/QUOTE]


Get a new husband ? Hahaha jk maybe it just becomes your car then ?
 

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I'm a driving Instructor from the UK. As you may be aware we are the opposite to the USA....The vast majority of cars here are manual. Some basis hints that may help.

Set some gas before raising the clutch to the biting point, not much gas is needed but enough to get the engine speed higher than idle speed, 1000-1100rpm is usually enough.

At the biting point, people usually stall because they do not keep their foot still enough for long enough at the bite. You need to get the car moving to a fast walking/slow jogging speed before easing the clutch fully up.

Once on the move and changing gear, No gas. And no gas is needed whilst bringing the clutch back up after the gear change, in terms of normal everyday driving to be smooth.
(Not including sporty driving with methods like heel and toe, rev matching etc)

When slowing down to a stop. Absolutely no need to change down the gears as you slow down.
Brakes are for slowing...gears are for going.
Gone are the days of needing to worry about changing low gear to help engine braking, unless driving a heavy truck, bus etc.

For example if I was slowing down for a definite stop , such as a red light, and approaching in 3rd or 4th gear. I would stay in that gear, using the brakes only to slow. And clutch then goes down just before the engine would struggle. Do not "coast" by pressing clutch down whilst at higher speeds.

Do not shift back into first gear unless at a walking speed or less. Infact on most cars you can feel they don't really want to let you back into 1st gear easily unless very slow, you can feel the extra force needed to select.

Hope this helps.
 

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Ok so almost every reply I can come up with is certainly not PC, and would probably get me in trouble with the admins here. I'm also not certain this post is real or an April Fools Joke.

But I will try my best to give a helpful reply because maybe there are others lurking who are in a similar, but not quite so, situation.

In teaching my son to drive a manual... it was nerve-wracking for him. Now, I had an advantage in that he WANTED to learn, but it was still rough. He struggled right up to the day he got his license, and got the keys to his own car (which is a Miata, with a manual.)

A few days of driving on his own... he's a pro.

So... my advice? Send him out on his own for a few hours. Maybe without you "watching" him his anxiety will go down and he'll start to get the hang of it.
 

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Many of us learned a long time ago and on less powerful cars. I learned on a 1970 Karmann Ghia and then purchased a manual 1979 Toyota Celica GT. Neither of which had much power. Heck the KG took 20 seconds to reach 60 lol Maybe buy hubby something similar to practice on while you enjoy your little hotrod ;)
 
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